Motivation – 10 Parenting Mistakes You Must Avoid with Your Kids
Posted: Tuesday, November 02, 2010
by Jean Tracy
KidsDiscuss.com
Motivation is difficult when your kids won't try. Some parents get so frustrated that they try unpleasant methods which crush motivation and discourage character. Inside you'll learn 10 parenting mistakes you must avoid.
1. Praise Kids Only for Their Successes.
Parents who praise kids only for their successes:
- Create anxious perfectionistic kids
- Discourage kids from trying unless they have a guarantee of success
- Lessen kids' ability to handle setbacks
2. Give Vague Encouragement
Parents who use vague encouragement like, "Good job," instead of "I like the way you smoothed out your bedcovers," need to realize:
- Kids won't know which behavior was good and should be repeated
- Vague praise evaporates and kids forget
- Specific praise motivates and increases the good behavior
3. Insist Children Become Experts in Outside Activities They Don't Like
Parents undermine the better use of their authority and teach kids to:
- Resent authority
- Rebel
- Hate the activity
4. Point Out Mistakes Repeatedly
Parents discourage children by:
- Giving negative feedback without positive encouragement
- Raising children with the, "Nothing I do is good enough" feeling
- Causing children to "tune out" parents and their advice
5. Demand Children Think Beyond Their Attentions Spans
Parents who insist kids stick to the same thing for great periods of time are forgetting:
- Young children have short attention spans
- Many kids lack the focus and patience to attend to one activity for a long time
- Tired thinkers give up.
6. Model the Opposite Behavior They Want Their Kids to Follow
Parents who model poor behavior teach their children:
- Parents don't practice what they preach
- If parents thought the behavior was really important, they'd do it too.
- Kids can ignore values and rules just like their parents do
7. Try to Motivate Kids with Nagging, Coaxing, and Lecturing
Parents who use these methods teach kids:
- They don't have to follow orders until their parents reach the boiling point
- Kids don't have to start projects until their parents push them
- Parents pressure and irritate
8. Ignore Child's Schooling
Parents who don't get involved with school and ignore report cards teach:
- School's not important
- Grades don't matter
- School doesn't prepare kids for a better future so why bother
9. Protect Kids from Difficulties and Failures
Parents who are over-protective teach their children:
- They're not strong enough to handle stress
- They're weak
- They should give up if things are difficult
10. Put Downs, and Make Discouraging Comments about Kids' Abilities
Parents who act like a critical judge teach children:
- They're a disappointment
- They're worthless
- Their efforts will be put down or ignored so why try
Motivation Conclusion: Avoiding Parenting Mistakes
If you use unpleasant methods to motivate your kids you'll discourage them. To motivate kids, ask yourself, "Would this motivate me?" If not, don't use it. Think a little deeper. Ask, "What has motivated me to want to achieve?" Consider your answers. Pick out the best ones and use them. If you do, you'll be on the road to building character and raising a motivated child. You can do it. I know you can.
- Jean Tracy, MSS invites you to Receive 33 Expert Motivation Tips when you join her blog at http://www.ParentingSkillsBlog.com and learn in detail how to motivate your kids.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I love the way you've laid this out, clearly and simply, so that the reality of what you say jumps out. I think you make wonderful points, this article was a real pleasure to read. Thanks!Thank you, Jennifer. I appreciate your kind words.
Wonderful article. So important, yet so under practiced in contemporary society.Thank you, I hope this article opens eyes and hearts and helps kids prosper.
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